Shelby's World
by Cassie Jamie
Summary: 4th chapter up. It's not all that good, but I think it's cute. Dani Charlie wrote the poem.
1. Dreams of the Future

Disclaimer:

I don't own Peter, Sophie, etc.I'm not using this for money.Yatsa, Yatsa, and Yatsa.

Claimer:

I own Xan and Nickolas.

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Dreams of the Future

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"Hey, come on or we'll be late for class." A voice calls from the door.

I get up from the bed and walk out.I hear someone talking about college and their future.

I've dreamt of the future.I admit it.I have.I've dreamt of the perfect guy and kids and a house.Nothing like what Juliette has though.I just want to be like everyone else.

That's what I've always dreamt of – being just like everyone else.Taking walks in a park, driving a car, laughing at the antics of a child.

-*-*-

I am in class, sitting across from Scott and next to Nick.Sophie is turning red slowly, as today is her day to teach sex ed and unfortunately, it's the male anatomy that we're doing in class currently.

"She turns any redder, I'm gonna start laughing." Nick leans over to say.

"She's starting to look like a lobster." I reply, and the entire table laughs.

"Cliffhangers!" Sophie scolds.

We become quiet and I return to my thoughts.

I still dream of my imaginary life.I used to dream of running away and going to the first house I saw with a nice mom and dad.I dreamt of living with the family, and then marrying a blonde-haired guy.We'd have two children – Kellie Layla and Peter Lucas, and one day they'd get married and I'd be a grandmother.

I still dream of that.

Maybe one day it will.

"Shelby.Sophie's gonna kill you if you don't at least act like you're paying attention." Xan said to me.

Oh, and the other part of my dreams – that I'd have great friends.

-*-*-

Cassie Jamie

[NoahXfiles@aol.com][1]

You know what I want!

   [1]: mailto:NoahXfiles@aol.com



	2. Dying

Disclaimer:

I don't own Peter, Sophie, etc.I'm not using this for money.Yatsa, Yatsa, and Yatsa.

Claimer:

I own Nick and Xan.

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Dying

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The news hit me like a ton of bricks.I can't even hear Peter's voice, all I can hear is a buzzing in my ears.It's not possible.It can't be, but I know it is true.God, I can't believe she's dying.

"Shelby, it's possible that she'll live." Xan says, trying to calm me.She can't though.

My sister is dying.Jess is dying because of Walt.He couldn't leave us be after his arrest.No.He had to come back and burn down our house.He killed my mother, and Jess won't live through the night.And I know it.

I stare into the room at Jess.She's unconscious, but I know she can hear me.I walk over to her bed, and look at her burned face.It's still beautiful to me.

"Jess, don't stay because of me.I love you, but I don't want you to suffer, so go if you have to." I say softly, before sitting down in a chair to wait out what's left of her life.

-*-*-

# Jessamyn Christine Merrick

_February 14th, 1985 – September 8th, 2001_

_"I will always love you, no matter what."_

A week.Jess had been gone a week now.I miss her so much, but Peter and Sophie and everyone have been so nice.I'm eighteen now, so Peter doesn't have to get custody of me, but that means that since I'm legal, I can testify against Walt.

I kneel down in front of Jess' grave, like Xan did in October last year.I trace the letters, while Peter and Sophie take the others out of earshot.

"You know Jess, I always thought that Walt would be the one to burn and then die.Not you.But I guess that this lets you forget about everything he did now.If there's a heaven, you are so definitely there.I can just imagine you and Mom there.I hope that I get there one day.I have to go back to Horizon for now though.I love you." I kiss my fingers and press them to the stone marker that's inset in the ground.

I get up and walk to the others, "Let's go."

-*-*-

Cassie Jamie

[NoahXfiles@aol.com][1]

That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it, uh huh uh huh…

   [1]: mailto:NoahXfiles@aol.com



	3. That Little Girl

Disclaimer:

I don't own Shelby, Jess, etc.I'm not using this for money.Yatsa, Yatsa, and Yatsa.

Claimer:

I own Xan & Nick.

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That Little Girl

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Shelby looked across the water at the full moon and sighed.How she missed her.That beautiful, young, blonde girl she loved so much.

She missed the days when that girl would run around the yard and play in the sprinkler.When she would play house with nothing more then a cardboard box.She always loved to dress up in her mother's clothes and play with her lone Barbie doll after school.Content to just sit with her mother at her job.

Before Walt came.Before all the pain started.

Then that little girl had changed.

_'I killed her.**I** killed **her**.'_ Shelby thought, before her head fell into her hands and she began to weep.This wasn't the way it was supposed to be!She wasn't supposed to have died.She was supposed to be here.

"I'm so sorry." She cried.

"Shelby?Where are you?" Xan's voice called into the dark.

Shelby choked back her tears and dried her eyes.Sighing again, she looked up at her friend, "Hey."

"There you are.Come on.We have to get you back to the cabin.Sophie's doing bed checks and we've got ten…What's the matter?" She asked, finally noticing Shelby's tear-streaked face.

"Nothing." She sniffled.

"Wrong, Shel.Something's wrong.Let me guess – you miss Jess?"

"That's part of it." Shelby looked at her, "How do live with this feeling?I mean like when you remember Sammy."

The teen thought for a moment, "I remind myself that he's not in pain anymore, that he's happy, and that he's watching over us from the stars.He used to love them so much – that's how I know that he's never really gone from me.He's just in a place that I can't see.I know he's still here though, helping me and Nicky to get through life until the day we'll meet him again."

Shelby nodded, "Thanks.I guess I should tell myself that.It's just she's gone and she's not coming back – I've never thought about that before."

"Don't worry.Eventually, it'll get better.Just need to grieve first.You can't bottle it up, Shel, or else it'll eat you up.Look at Nicky.He can't talk about Sammy, that's why he's so…protective." Xan sighed, "So what's the other part of this?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"When I came over and asked what was wrong you said that Jess was part of why you were upset.What's the other part?"

Shelby looked up at her friend, "I can't…"

"If you're afraid that I'll tell Peter, I won't.I won't even tell Daze."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

She leaned forward to look at the water, "It's me.Me.I…I hate who I've become.I used to be just like Jess.I loved school, I love to read, I loved to play.I was happy to just be with my mother.Then I had to change.I made a cover for myself so no one would know what I was really like, so they couldn't hurt me anymore.I closed off from everyone – even my mother.Truth is, I can't stand to be way from her."

"I thought you were mad at her, for not coming clean sooner."

"I am, but she's my mother and I love her and I need her."

Xan pulled Shelby into a hug, "Maybe it's time you told her that, and let everyone else know that too.You'll only be happy when you be what you want to be."

Shelby shook her head, "What about you?"

"I've been like this for so long, this is just how I am, Shel.I can't change, but you can." She finished and looked across the water.

Shelby looked too, before whispering to herself, "I can change?Maybe I can be what that little girl was supposed to grow up to be.For Jess's sake at least."

-*-*-

Cassie Jamie

[noahXfiles@aol.com][1]

You've read – now Review!

   [1]: mailto:noahXfiles@aol.com



	4. Friends and Poems

Disclaimer:

I don't own Peter, Sophie, etc.I'm not using this for money.Yatsa, Yatsa, and Yatsa.

Claimer:

I own Xan Aleeza & Nickolas Francisco.

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Friends and Poems

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_In the piercing darkness,_

_Finding only pain,_

_There is a speck of light,_

_In this bitter lane._

_ _

_Still children when we met,_

_But it was all I needed,_

_People to keep me straight,_

_And my self-confidence they seeded._

_ _

_Xan Aleeza,_

_Always a pillar,_

_A strength just the same,_

_But with humor – she's a killer._

_ _

_Daisy Marie,_

_A grace in black,_

_A Goth on the surface,_

_But I know her life – all of it is laidback and slack._

_ _

_Scott Martin,_

_My beloved,_

_A sweet guy with hope now,_

_Behold – I have found my love in truth._

_ _

_Three,_

_All I needed,_

_To draw me out of my own mind,_

_And were there when my true self needed to be greeted._

_ _

Shelby finished her poem and sighed.

It was perfect.

This was the first assignment Peter had given the seventeen-year old since her return to school after Jess's death.It was about life.What she had to be thankful for, more specifically.

"Shel?" Xan asked, before putting her hand on Shelby's shoulder, "Shelby, snap out of it."

"Sorry.Dazed out for a minute.What's up?"

"You done yet?"

"Um hum." She replied; cleaning her calligraphy pen off with a napkin and carefully moving her poem to the frame Sophie had bought her.

Xan smiled, "How is it?"

"It's perfect."

"I figured you'd want it perfect." The second teen teased, before grabbing her own poem and walking out.

_'Of course I'd want it perfect.That's exactly what my friends deserve.'_

-*-*-

Cassie Jamie

[NoahXfiles@aol.com][1]

Please Review!

   [1]: mailto:NoahXfiles@aol.com



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